Sorry. I was trying to be quiet,
but there's not enough room in here to swing a cat.
Did you just say "swing a cat"?
Where I come from, cats sometimes get swung.
Now that you're up, can I tell you about my day?
No, you can't, because I have a little something for you.
Just for being one of L.A.'s top and up-and-coming chefs.
Oh, my God. Thank you.
- I have the perfect place to put it too. - Where?
- My office. - The kitchen?
I mean my office.
I've been promoted to head chef.
On probation, of course. I still have a lot to prove.
- But, Kevin, head chef. - Oh, my God.
That is so amazing. Wait.
Saturday's "Yay, Scotty made it into the article" dinner
is now a "Yay, Scotty got promoted" dinner.
Have I told you how much I love your family recently?
I can't imagine my parents throwing me a "Yay, Scotty" dinner.
Although they did once throw me a "We're so disappointed" brunch.
Considering Sarah never throws parties, I think she likes you more than me.
Do you know how long I've worked for this?
Yeah. I am so proud of you.
And the best part: It comes with a pay raise.
So I get to do what I love and bring home a real paycheck.
Maybe we can talk about getting a bigger place?
- Wow, with a cat-swinging room? - And maybe a deck?
And a Jacuzzi.
Hardwood floors.
So please, donate now and give as generously as you can.
You will make a lasting difference in the lives of a deserving family,
and give them the encouragement and support
they desperately need at this time.
- What are you doing? - Ugh...
Insomnia.
- and was working the minimum-wage jobs simply to meet her rent.
Or Anna, who, with her three children...
I know that we're both upset that the adoption didn't pan out,
but Trish changed her mind.
You have got to stop beating yourself up.
Oh, honey, I'm sorry.
Go back to bed. You have a flight in the morning.
I'm just, you know... I'll be in bed as soon as this is over.
- What is this? - I'm making this donation
to this organization for single mothers. Do you see that woman there?
Okay, she has three children that she's trying support.
She has two jobs, and she still can't make it work.
But somehow she gets through it, and now...
Now she has this beautiful, beautiful place that she can call home.
Ah. You know what? I'm gonna make a donation to that too.
Please, give what you can. Donate now.
Are you sure you don't want me to go over some of your loan paperwork?
If you feel compelled, knock yourself out.
But it's all filled out and already approved.
So you just invited me for breakfast, huh?
No ulterior motives?
All right, I wanted to show off. I wanted you to see how prepared I am.
Well, color me impressed.
Hey there, Uncle Saul. Good morning, Mom.
So, Uncle Saul, what are you doing here so early?
To tell you the truth, Justin, I don't know.
I thought your mother was using breakfast as bait
to get me to go to the auction with her.
I don't need you to go to the auction with me.
I have this completely under control.
There are two properties I have my eye on.
Either of them would be perfect for the center.
I've laid all the groundwork, and tomorrow,
for the first time in my life, I'm gonna buy a house.
Granted, it's for other families, but it's a milestone nonetheless.
It's the second time.
Second time you bought a house, right?
First.
Your father bought this house without even telling me.
It was a surprise for our anniversary.
I don't even think I had a credit card with my own name on it until the mid '70s.
Well, thank you for this wonderful breakfast.
Now I am going home to await the air-conditioning repairman.
Maybe I'll polish some silver when I get home, huh?
- The glamorous life of a bachelor. - Ha-ha.
Good luck tomorrow. Bid like the wind, my sister.
Poor guy.
Ma, he doesn't have anything to do.
He doesn't have a job, he just mopes around all day.
- Hello, Pot. Have you met Kettle? - That's hilarious, Ma.
You're forgetting the fact that I have a girlfriend.
And I go to Narcotics Anonymous, and I have recruiting duties.
Okay, I'm pathetic too, but you know what?
At least I don't spend my days waiting for a repairman or polishing silver.
Never underestimate the power of shiny silver.
What about sage?
I mean, my repertoire has been limited the last few years
to fish sticks and mac and cheese. I really want him to like it.
You know, I was thinking about veal piccata.
Is that upscale enough, do you think?
- Kevin? - What?
Yeah. Look, that's fine. Stop stressing.
He's just happy we're throwing him a dinner.
No, no, no. Not we, me. I'm throwing Scotty a celebratory dinner.
What about you? Are you gonna get him something special?
I mean, this is a really big deal for Scotty.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll think of something.
Hey, is it a sign of depression if your wife would rather
stay up all night watching television than come to bed with you?
Well, of course Kitty's depressed.
She thought she was gonna get a baby in three months.
- Who am I speaking to? - Hey, Robert. It's Sarah.
Kevin, speakerphone etiquette. Learn it.
- Sorry. - So, what's Kitty doing?
She's not sleeping and she won't talk about it.
She says she's fine, but stays up all night
obsessively donating to television charities.
- That is not a good sign. - That's bad.
And I gotta fly back for the vote, I won't be here, so my thought...
Hold that thought.
Oh, hey, Mom. Listen, can I call you back?
Kitty's depressed. Robert needs advice.
- Continue. - Do you remember
Kitty's homecoming dance junior year?
- The dance of humiliation? - What's the dance of humiliation?
- It was right after the spandex debacle. - Spandex debacle?
Yeah. She was so freaked out,
Dad thought she'd have to transfer schools.
Yeah, but then she went up to Ojai with Tommy.
When she came back, she was fine.
Oh, right. What'd he do?
You know, I actually don't know.
I don't think reliving an awkward high school incident is pertinent to...
- Kevin. - I'm on it.
- Hello? - Tommy, it's Kevin.
Look, Kitty's depressed.
Do you remember what you did in Ojai to cheer her up?
- Yes, I remember. - Hello.
What's wrong with Kitty?
Walker news travels fast.
Put me on speakerphone.
Okay, but, everyone, let's try not to talk all at once.
That was supposed to be a secret between me...
- Maybe I should talk to her. - Not a good idea.
- It was a lifetime ago. - This is about Kitty, remember?
You all think you know how to cheer Kitty up.
I'm her mother, for God's sake.
How can you people hear yourselves think?
- Is that Justin? - No.
- Robert. - Robert, are you listening to me?
- Trying. - Look, Kitty doesn't do well
with time on her hands.
- No news to anyone. - I knew that.
- Do you guys want my help or not? - Yes.
- Fine. After the spandex incident... - The spandex incident?
The span... Oh, good Lord. - Can somebody please clarify
for me the spandex incident?
- You don't wanna know. - Look, we were at Ojai,
I gave her a project to keep her mind off of things.
- It was a win-win. - What project?
I let her write my history paper for me.
- Nice. - Tommy Walker.
- You let her? Oh, nice. - I know.
The worst thing is for Kitty to have nothing to do.
She likes to do things, so keep her busy.
You know, I just finished a proposal for Greenatopia.
I could give it to her, say I really need her feedback.
That'll keep her busy.
- I'm glad you called, Robert. - Actually, I didn't. L...
- You're welcome. - Bye.
- Later.
- Bye. - Bye.
Seriously, you have got to get a referee for your family discussions.
I can't make Scotty's dinner, so congratulate him for me?
Yeah. At least one of us is doing well.
Hey, you knew you were getting a pay cut.
Yeah, it's just... You know, after taxes, wow.
Nobody goes into politics for the money. It's all about making a difference.
Right. Who needs those extra zeros anyway?
Oh, yeah?
- Hey, you need another? - Oh, no, I'm fine. Thanks.
I'm just waiting for Scotty.
- Oh. You must be Kevin the husband. - Yeah, yeah. That's me.
- I'm Vicki. - Hi, Vicki. Nice to meet you.
Nice to meet you.
So how proud are you?
You know, pretty darn proud.
- He's taking off like a rocket ship. - Yeah.
You can lie around on the couch all day eating bonbons.
Yeah, you know, I'm not a big fan of the bonbon. Plus, I do have a job.
By the way, you guys are the cutest couple ever.
- Oh, thank you. - I always tell Scotty
that if he wasn't gay, I'd be all over his action.
Here he is.
- Holler at me if you need anything. - Thanks, Vicki.
We'll be sure to holler.
- Hey, handsome. - Hey.
Sorry about that. Friends of the mayor wanted to pay their compliments.
Oh, well, as long as it's friends of the mayor
and not just ordinary rich and powerful people, that's fine.
So you're bonding with Vicki.
I'm sure we could have her over for a threesome if you're interested.
Yeah, I know, but don't worry.
I told her our apartment wasn't big enough for group sex.
Very clever.
You're not in a very good mood.
What? No, I'm fine. You know.
- What's the matter? - Nothing.
Just a minor financial hiccup.
Oh. Define hiccup.
We'll be fine.
Kevin, I'm your spouse.
Your spouse who just got a pay raise and would very much like to contribute.
Great. So can you contribute some food? I haven't eaten since this morning.
As a matter of fact, I know the head chef. I'll see what I can scrounge up.
But this conversation is not over.
- Sarah. - It's 12:00.
You might wanna start the day, or at least take a shower.
Yeah. Well, yeah.
You're right. You know, I just...
I was up really late working on some charity work...
This'll wake you up.
Wow.
- Well, look... Thank you. - Mm-hm.
Look at that. It's got strawberries, chocolate chips,
Cocoa Pebbles, my favorite toppings.
But, Sarah, you don't need to cheer me up.
Oh, I'm not here to cheer you up. I'm here to butter you up.
I'm completely overwhelmed with the whole Scotty dinner thing.
The menu I planned is way too ambitious.
Oh. Well, do you want me to help you cook?
Oh, God, no. No, no.
No, no. I was hoping you could help me with my proposal for Greenatopia.
If you could look it over and make sure everything's smooth.
It's supposed to go out to potential vendors on Monday.
- Really? - If you're not too busy.
Uh, no, no. I could probably find some time.
Great.
I'm learning Spanish.
So I was busted, I lost my medical license, my friends, my savings.
But here I am, seven years sober.
Thank you.
But lately, I have been tempted. I have to admit it.
You know, one little pill and all the pain could go away.
See, my boyfriend of ten years, uh, Hank, left me a few months ago.
He said he needed space.
So I gave him about 2,000 miles of it.
I left Cincinnati and moved here to sunny Cali.
So there's no more snow, no more Hank's halitosis,
but here I am, alone.
I mean, my social life pretty much consists of chatting with Todd the cable guy,
who, uh, gave me free movie channels. So that's something, uh, there.
But, uh, I guess, ultimately, everyone's just looking for companionship.
Yeah, never been this full.
Yeah. Yeah.
Yes.
- Hey, Paul. - Oh, hey.
- Hey. - Uh...
- I'm terrible with names. - Justin. Justin.
- Justin. - Yeah, the, uh, ex-soldier, wounded knee.
Oh, and the horndog-dad issues, right?
Yeah, yeah. That's me.
Um... Paul, listen, I know this isn't exactly protocol.
I was...
I was just wondering if you had dinner plans for tomorrow night.
Oh. Justin, I'm so flattered,
but I'm afraid I'm way past my twink phase.
Oh, no, no, no.
Not for... I have a girlfriend.
- Who's definitely a girl. - Oh...
It's, um... I just wanted to invite you to a dinner party.
I think I know someone that you'd really hit it off with, so...
Uh-huh. Um...
It looked so pathetic in the harsh light of day.
It's no wonder people don't go into public service anymore.
- At least Scotty's getting a raise. - Yeah, I know, and I'm happy for him.
It's just there's no getting away from the fact
I'm in a much less desirable tax bracket.
I gotta say, Dad's office is looking pretty good these days.
- My office, if you don't mind. - Mm.
Yeah, I'm sorry. Oh. These the houses you're bidding on?
Yes, aren't they perfect?
Have you checked out the neighborhoods?
Yes. I have even driven past at different times of the day
to check on the traffic situation,
and I've spoken to the local police departments
- about crime in the areas. - Hmm.
- Have you been inside them? - No. They're not open to the public.
But I have pictures from the auction houses.
- I've done my due diligence. - I think this one has potential.
Oh, I know. Can you imagine how many families
I can help with a place that size?
- How long has it been vacant? - Nine months.
- What? - The longer they stand vacant,
the higher the chance of them becoming infested with rodents or termites.
That's what exterminators are for.
- Have you pulled the records on them? - Why?
To see if there's outstanding building-code violations.
If there is, you assume liability, and that becomes very expensive.
How expensive?
You don't wanna know. I'm sure these are fine.
Have you set, uh, your maximum bid for the auction?
- Of course. - Good.
Because you know how you get. No offense.
Well, offense taken. What do you mean, how I get?
People get carried away.
They make rash decisions based on their excitement.
You know what I should do? I should come with you.
- Oh, no. Kevin... - No, absolutely.
I'll just walk you through the process, I'll be there for support. No problem.
Mom, I've looked after your business affairs for years.
I'm not about to throw you to the wolves, okay? Done.
Mm.
If you wanna pay me back,
you can come with me to the galleria tomorrow.
And we can pick out a gift for Scotty. How about that?
Okay.
I'm telling you, he's perfect. His name's Paul, he's not too tall.
- He's gonna love Saul. - So basically he's a Dr. Seuss character?
Oh, that's hilarious.
Oh, well, you think that's hilarious? Wait till Saul meets him.
Wait till Saul meets who?
Justin is setting Saul up with some random he met at NA.
Let's not knock NA, considering your boyfriend,
who you love and adore, actually is in NA.
What was he addicted to?
- Uh, prescription drugs. - Oh, well, could be worse.
I mean, it's not like it was crystal meth, right?
Oh, that's great. "Saul, meet Paul.
He's never done meth. " Saul will love that.
You know what? It's gonna be fine. I'll have my family there as buffers.
Besides, it is so hard to meet someone, especially after a certain age.
You know, Justin, that is a really sweet thing you're doing.
Thank you, Holly.
You hear that?
Sorry, I gotta take this. Excuse me.
- You don't think it's a good idea, do you? - It's a terrible idea.
See, Mom, why are you encouraging him, then?
Because he's your boyfriend and I want him to like me.
Or are you just excited at the possibility of another Walker dinner disaster?
I have to admit, it's a little of both.
So it's okay if my friend comes to the dinner?
Yes, but I wish you'd given me more notice.
All right, and let's not make a big deal about me setting Saul up.
Let's play it casual.
- I don't want them to feel uncomfortable. - I will be very discreet. Listen, I gotta go.
- Hey. - Hey.
- Uh, what are you doing here so early?
I read your proposal and I thought maybe we could go over it.
I'm a little distracted getting everything ready for tonight.
Of course. I just thought that I could talk to you,
you know, while you cook.
Great.
So how did it read?
Well, I thought that it was very...
...informative.
- What's with the pause? - No, no, it's good.
Yeah?
Oh. Okay.
Whoa. That's a lot of typos.
No, actually, I didn't even read it for typos.
Any monkey can fix a few typos. I focused on the deeper problems.
- What problems? - Oh, not to worry.
I have a solution for everything.
The first problem I had was with the mission statement.
- The first sentence? - Yeah, I don't think
that your company goals and objectives are direct enough.
Hmm.
And then on page two...
Oh, did you bring the cashier's check for the deposit?
- Of course I did. - Okay.
Next on the block, a four-bedroom home on a beautiful street in Granada Hills.
This is the first one. Oh, God. Here we go.
- Just stay calm, all right? Breathe. - Looking for an opening bid of 300,000.
Thank you, sir, 300,000 is your bid, you've got the bid at 300,000.
Mom, what are you doing? You have plenty of time.
Don't get into a bidding war and drive the price up.
Figure out how badly this guy wants it, all right?
- Read the room. - You read the room.
- I'm buying a house. - Wait.
Wasn't Granada Hills hit in the Northridge quake?
- What? - Yeah. Where the overpass collapsed.
That was like 14 years ago.
You sure it didn't have earthquake damage?
- I mean, you said it was okay, right? - Yes, it's fine.
- All right, here goes... - Uh...
Does that chimney look crooked to you?
- Four hundred and fifty thousand. - That's definitely crooked.
No, it's fine. It's fine. You're just being a total...
Sold to the gentleman in the back.
- Oh... I can't believe that just happened. - What?
Oh, come... Look, if it wasn't meant to be, it wasn't meant to be.
Don't worry. We'll get the second house.
And now for a lovely estate in Artesia.
Oh, and this whole, um, social-networking application?
I mean, what were Kyle and Ethan even thinking?
Actually, that was my idea.
I don't think it quite meshes very well with your website.
Note to self: Work on meshing.
Oh, and this slogan, "A greener side of life. "
Sarah, don't you think it's a little hokey?
- Excuse me. - Sure. No. I'm good.
- Oh... Thank God, the wine. - Yeah, I hope this is enough.
- There's another case in the car. - Great. You should go get that.
We're gonna need it for later. Ah.
- Meanwhile, I'll take this. - You need help with anything?
Yeah, I need you to help me not to kill Kitty.
Who's Kitty?
- Who are you? - Oh, I'm Paul.
You must be Sarah. What a lovely home.
I brought you a little something. Mind the pricklies.
- Uh... Thank you, Paul. - Justin's friend.
- Oh, of course. I'm sorry. - Justin has friends.
- Apparently. - Actually, I'm being set up with Saul.
I mean, what's he like? Is he the emotional, sensitive type?
Or is he more of, you know, the strong man of few words?
Saul? Our uncle?
You know, I should just let myself be surprised.
You know, I guess I'm just a little bit nervous, you know?
It's, uh, been a long time for me.
I haven't really had any chemistry with anyone since, you know...
Since, like, the Truman administration.
You know, I haven't had that kind of, you know, that hot, burning sensation.
Right. Uh, the thing is, Paul, that, um, the dinner is not for two more hours.
I know. Oh, I'm so sorry about being such an early bird.
It's fine.
You know, my license was revoked.
You know, four DUIs and they get tough on you.
So anyway, I had to take three buses to get here,
and I gave myself plenty of time.
Apparently a little bit too much time. Ha-ha.
And finally, an absolutely extraordinary property, not to be missed.
- Here we go, second house. - No, I...
I'm really not feeling it today.
Looking for an opening bid of 550,000 for this beauty.
- Let's just go buy the gift for Scotty. - What?
Look, I know you choked on the first. Don't worry about it, all right?
I did not choke. I did not choke.
I was fine until I listened to you and your earthquake damage
and vermin infestation.
Okay, well, as your financial advisor, listen to me now.
This place is perfect.
Look at the room. You know what Scotty and I would give for that much room?
- Think of the parties. - Why would I wanna throw parties
for families with sick children?
- Look at that kitchen. Scotty would love it. - I'm not buying this for Scotty.
- Six seventy-five, new bidder 675. - No, but I could.
- What? - I could totally do it.
I could sell the loft, I could dip into my savings...
- Thank you. - I could make this work.
God knows it's a decent price.
- Do I hear 725? - Seven twenty-five.
Seven twenty-five, new bidder, thank you.
Kevin Walker.
Do I hear 750?
- Seven twenty-five, going once. - I don't believe you.
- Twice. - You can't just snatch this house
right out from under...
Sold.
- Me.
Great.
You know, Greenatopia? I mean, that just...
You know, it's not the strongest of names, I don't think.
And it doesn't really speak to what your clientele wants.
Greenatopia?
What about something like, um, Organica?
- But... - You know what?
That's not a bad idea, Sarah.
- You know, everything's in the name. - I happen to like Greenatopia.
I'm gonna get the door. Thanks for your feedback.
Tommy, make sure the house doesn't burn down?
You know, one time I went to Thanksgiving dinner
at a friend's house, and the oven caught fire.
Do you have any idea how far grease can splatter from a flaming turkey?
- Hi there. Come in. - Hi.
- Hey.
- Congratulations, honey.
- Well deserved. - Thank you for having me.
- I can't tell you how much it means to me. - Well, it's my pleasure, really.
Hors d'oeuvres? Would you like a drink? Everybody's on the way.
Paul, however, is, um, already here.
- Well, at least he's punctual. - Uh, no, no, no.
Not punctual. Early. Very, very early.
You and I will be having words.
- Justin. - Paul. There he is.
- Hey. - Good to see you, man. How you doing?
- Who's Paul? - Friend of Justin's.
He thought it would be a good idea to set Paul up with Saul.
Really?
Becca, this is Paul. This is my girlfriend Rebecca.
- Nice to meet you. - Nice to meet you.
And here's the man of the hour, Scotty.
- Oh, congratulations on your promotion. - Thank you.
I'll be honest, I've never eaten in your restaurant.
I'm afraid the food's a bit too rich for me. I know it's too rich for my bank balance.
Oh, sorry.
No.
Hey, guys. Hey, Paul, you gotta tell Scotty
that story about you and your first boyfriend.
Oh, my God. You'll love that. Come here, come on, come on.
All right.
You are so not as funny as you think.
You know, maybe the four of us should just sit down
when Ethan and Kyle get back, and we could have a revamping session.
You know, if you keep eating that cheese, you're gonna ruin the whole platter.
Well, calm down, Sarah. It's only a couple of pieces of cheese.
No, it starts with a couple of pieces, then you want another and another,
and before you know it, the whole platter will be ruined,
and it was perfect to begin with.
Hey, ladies.
You know, my mom used to throw fabulous dinner parties.
- Oh, that's nice. - Oh, that's nice.
See, my dad left us when she was pregnant with me,
so I guess she needed something to distract from all that pain.
That's so sad. You know what?
I'm gonna take this out to the living room, people are hungry.
- Oh, you know what? Let me help. - No, no, no.
- I got these ones. I got these. - I got it, I'm fine.
- Oh, hey, Mom. - Hi, honey.
- Sorry we're late. - Hi.
- I saw Uncle Saul is driving up. - Hey.
- Scotty here?
- He's in the living room. - Great.
- Is everything all right? - No, everything is not all right.
I was all set to go to the auction today and to buy a house,
but Kevin had to go with me to make sure I didn't get myself into trouble,
and then he completely undermined all my plans,
dominated the whole procedure.
To top it all off, he bought a house right out from under me.
I'd like to strangle him.
Kevin bought a house?
Kevin didn't buy a house.
- Kevin bought a mansion, my mansion. - Wow.
Well, if it's any consolation, I'm at the strangling point with Kitty.
My proposal was perfect. It was great.
It was genius until Kitty morphed into some, like, evil professor.
- Did it distract her? - I guess.
Mission accomplished.
- Sarah, these canapés are amazing. - Thank you.
Oh, my God. You must be Justin's mother.
Oh, I fe... Oh.
You know, he speaks about you so often in our meetings,
I feel like I already know you.
You know, we have similar taste in men.
I mean, I just go from one cheater to another.
But I'm interrupting, I'm sorry. You continue. Okay. Oh.
Great.
Who the hell is that?
That would be Paul.
I have got the best surprise in the history of surprises.
Is it a puppy?
- It's a little better than a puppy. - Hey, everybody. Party can start.
- Uncle Saul. - Hey.
- Gonna be interesting. - It's gonna be great.
- Paul, Saul's here. - Paul?
Uncle Saul, I want you to meet my good friend Paul.
- Paul, this is Saul. - Oh.
Quite the "road to Damascus" moment, isn't it?
- I'm sorry? - I've heard so much about you.
- I've heard absolutely nothing about you. - Don't worry, you will.
Well, we could remedy that right now. Would you like to have a chat?
Come on. Come on. Come on.
- So... - Wow.
How do you think it's going?
They've been talking for 20 minutes straight.
Actually, Paul's been talking for, like, 20 minutes. Saul looks miserable.
No, no. Saul always looks like that.
Look, Paul's a nice guy.
Justin, some of his stories have permanently scarred my brain.
- He's really open. - I know his entire medical history,
from ringworm in grade school to having his overzealous earwax irrigated.
- He is not open. He's an over-sharer. - Justin. We need to talk.
Be kind. He meant well.
All right, Justin, just tell me what you were thinking.
"Here's an older gay man and, oh, my uncle is an older gay man.
- They'd be perfect together. " - He's also got nice hair, which...
- Not funny, Justin. - I'm sorry, Uncle Saul, all right?
Maybe you're not giving him a chance. He's a really smart guy.
- He used to be a doctor. - Where did you meet him?
I met him at NA.
Hey, guys. Dinner's ready.
We are not finished.
This chair's kind of a butt killer.
Yeah. Sarah, we're gonna have to get you some new chairs
before you have another dinner party.
Thank you, Kitty. I'll be sure to take care of that.
In my apartment, everything is overstuffed.
When it comes to furniture, I think the bigger and the puffier, the better.
- What about you, Saul? - Well, no.
Actually, I tend to like cleaner lines.
Oh, I guess Paul just needs a little more padding than Uncle Saul, huh?
Tommy, could you pass the wine, please?
- Yeah. - Before we all start,
I would like to propose a toast to our guest of honor, Scotty.
So if you'd raise your glasses...
To Scotty, who we love and who we wish only the best
with all the success that is coming his way.
Thank you. And thank you all. L...
I'm so proud to be a member of this family.
- Oh, please. - To Scotty.
Cheers.
I also have an announcement to make.
Scotty, I love you so much and want nothing more
than to make you happy and to provide you with
the life you deserve.
And so to that end,
I went out and
bought you a little something today.
I bought us a house.
- This house. Oh, my God.
Are you gonna say something?
Nora, I thought you were the one that was gonna buy a house.
- Yes, so did I. - You know, if I bought a house
without talking to my boyfriend,
he would've tarred and feathered and left me for dead.
Um...
Will you excuse me?
Scotty...
I think he's a little overwhelmed.
Over... No. No, Kevin.
He feels bulldozed.
What are you talking about? Because you know what?
- I was just trying to make him happy. - No, no.
You just don't believe anyone can succeed without your help.
There you go, Kevin Walker to the rescue.
You know what? Maybe some people
would really like to do things without your help.
Maybe we don't wanna be rescued.
Maybe we'd like you to mind your own business.
I think you're being unfair, because you always said
how happy you were when Dad surprised you with our house.
- Your dad the cheater? - Not now, Paul.
I pretended to be happy.
God, all the years I pretended to be happy with what was handed to me,
as if it were inconceivable I might actually have an opinion of my own.
You know what? The men of this family need to learn
they can't barge into every situation like a bull in a china shop,
thinking they can fix everything themselves.
If you would actually try to communicate for a change,
then you would learn Scotty didn't want you to buy a house for him.
And I didn't want your help at that damn auction today.
Sarah, this is lovely.
And I'm sorry I can't stay long enough to actually eat anything.
Wow.
Dinner and a show.
- Well, that was fun. - Yeah.
You think you could keep these up on a higher shelf?
You want me to get you a chair to stand on?
No, I got it.
I just hope that Paige and Cooper like veal piccata,
because they're gonna be eating it for the next month.
By the way, I got these great containers. They just snap. They're so easy.
Oh, now you're criticizing my food storage.
Oh, okay. Clearly you're mad because I gave you some notes on your proposal.
They weren't notes. You disemboweled it.
You know, why did you ask me to read it if you didn't want my opinion?
Because we were trying to distract you.
What are you talking about? Dis... We? Who's we?
Robert, the family, me.
We were worried about you.
We just, you know, used the proposal as a way to
take your mind off what happened.
God, Sarah. You can't even say it.
Just say it. I can say it.
I scared away our birth mother. I lost us a baby.
Why didn't you guys just ask me how I was feeling,
instead of this convoluted plan to get my mind off of things?
Well, to be fair, Kitty, you didn't really seem like you wanted to talk about it.
Well, no. No, of course I didn't. I still don't. It's painful.
And all of you scheming to keep me occupied isn't gonna change that.
And just for the record, your plan didn't work.
The whole time that I was revising your stupid proposal,
I was beating myself up about Trish.
It doesn't matter how much I try to keep myself busy.
It's not gonna stop me from going through what I'm going through.
I screwed up. Plain and simple. It's...
It's just something I'm gonna have to deal with.
I can't imagine what you're feeling, Kitty.
Well, I'm...
I'm feeling pretty lousy, actually.
Well, that's fair, but you're gonna get past this.
- You're gonna get picked again. - You don't know that, and neither do I.
No, but I have faith.
And I know that whatever pain all this is causing is worth it.
The moment you have your child, you'll be so grateful for every screwup,
every disappointment, all the uncertainty, because in the end,
it's all led you to your daughter or your son.
I hope you're right.
I am.
Well, thank you.
But maybe next time, instead of distracting me,
you could try something else?
Well, like what?
Hugs are good.
Oh.
Okay, note to self: Hug first.
Proofread later.
Come here.
- I love you, Kitty. - I love you too.
Was my proposal really that bad?
Less talking, more hugging.
Okay.
- Hey. - Justin.
Hey.
- I, uh... - How are you?
I just wanted to see if you made it back all right after driving Paul home.
- That wasn't part of the plan, Uncle Saul. - That's okay.
- It's fine. Come on in. - Yeah.
Sit down.
The truth is I didn't have the heart to tell him to take the bus home.
Anyway,
Paul's not that bad.
- So you gonna call him again? - Are you out of your mind?
Not if he was the last gay man alive.
Look, I, uh, just wanna say I'm sorry, Uncle Saul.
Please. You don't have to apologize, Justin.
Actually, I was very touched by the gesture.
But I think that you should interfere in your own life.
Well, it's easier to butt into other people's lives.
I mean...
You know, figuring out what I wanna do for myself,
that's where the headache comes.
Yeah, well, take an aspirin and start.
Look, you shouldn't be wasting your talents trying to set up your uncle.
Well, I guess we can cross matchmaker off my future career list.
That's a good idea.
Look, if I tell you something, can I trust you to be discreet?
Yeah. What's going on?
If you tell, I'll never forgive you.
I cross my heart and hope to die, all right?
- I'm seeing someone. - You are?
It's early stages and I really care about this man a great deal,
which is why I don't want to bring the relationship
into the whole Walker clan just yet.
Yeah, that's a smart move.
Lips are sealed.
Okay.
Hey.
- Kevin, we gotta talk. - Oh, what, storming out of Sarah's house
in the middle of dinner wasn't communicative enough?
- I didn't feel like making a scene. - Well, you did.
You just didn't stick around to see it.
I had to sit there while my mother screamed at me
for being, oh, what did she say? Too controlling.
You're definitely in control of our finances. Look at these:
Gas, electric, magazine subscriptions, they're all in your name.
Transfer them. You think I like paying for them?
I'm starting to think you do. I'm starting to think
you're only comfortable in this relationship being the provider.
- Ugh... Here we go again. - What is that supposed to mean?
Just because my father surprised my mother with a new house
and I catastrophically did the same thing, it doesn't make us the same person.
- I never said you are. - Well, my mother sure as hell did.
Well, that's her problem with your dad. My problem is with you.
Oh, wow, for a second, I was actually relieved.
Kevin, do you not want me to succeed?
How can you even ask me that, when all I've done is support you?
When I was down, yes, you did.
Is there some accusation in there? Maybe you'd like to tell me
what's wrong with supporting someone...
Nothing, but this feels competitive.
What's competit...? You and me?
Why else, in the middle of a party celebrating my success,
would you decide to announce, in front of everybody,
that you bought me a house?
Us. I bought us a house to prove how proud I was of you.
No, you bought a house to make yourself feel better.
- You wanted to change the headline. - You're crazy.
- Am I? When I was living in my car, - Yeah.
You were more than willing to come to my rescue
because you love being the big, successful man, but guess what.
- Things have changed. - Do you honestly think I want you to fail?
I think it threatens you to feel like I'm your equal.
Oh, man.
Okay.
You wanna know what my financial hiccup yesterday was?
I am now officially
making a quarter of what I used to.
A month ago, I was about to become partner.
Now I am a low-paid government employee.
You wanna make changes in people's lives.
What if I can't even make a change in ours?
Scotty, you did keep saying you wanted to move.
I didn't mean now.
I meant in a year or two, when I've saved money and we can buy a house together.
You know what? I'm...
I'm sorry. I just...
I guess I wanted to still prove that I could do that,
that I could take care of you, and if I couldn't,
then why would you even love me?
Kevin, I don't love you because of how much money you make
or because you can take care of me.
I love you because your heart is bigger than your very annoying brain.
And even if you did wanna be competitive with me, it wouldn't make sense.
Because you're the reason I am who I am now.
Wow.
I didn't realize how amazing I was.
That's exactly right.
I really did wanna surprise you.
You did. Ha.
But, um, next time, make it something that we can both enjoy.
What? It's not bad enough you buy this house right out from under me,
but you insist I come over so you can gloat?
- Would you please just come inside? - Oh...
What is so important you couldn't tell me on the phone?
I've gotta get on the freeway at this time of the day.
It's incredib... Ooh.
- It's awfully musty in here. - Yeah.
Well, I hope you can get used to it.
- What do you mean? - What I mean is this is your house, Mom.
And I'm really, really very sorry about what happened at the auction.
You know, look, it's a long-standing Walker tradition to overstep,
and I was acting like Dad, and that's not something I wanna do.
Oh, Kev. I'm sorry too.
Honestly, I should've stuck to my guns. I should've said something.
I should've gone to the auction by myself.
Does this mean we're okay?
I stand by a lot of the things I said yesterday,
just not how I said them.
Yes, we're okay.
Great.
Do you wanna take the keys? My arm's getting kind of tired.
I don't know, it is awfully big.
Yes, it is, but think of all the good you can do with a place like this.
Going twice.
Oh, God. Is this actually happening?
Am I really buying this house?
I really hope so, because it'll go a long way to patching things up with my husband
if I can tell him I ditched the mansion.
Holy crap.
- I just bought a house. Ha-ha-ha. - Congratulations.
Oh, gosh.
Now, before President-elect Barack Obama
moves into the White House on January 20th
and takes over the leadership of the country,
he has quite a bit of work to do.
- Hey. - Well, hey.
Oh, you do know that our anniversary isn't until next month, right?
Yes. Um...
The card is from the kids. They miss you.
- And the flowers are from me. - Oh...
Thank you.
The news is on. Does that mean that we're feeling better?
A little. No thanks to Operation Distract Kitty.
Oh, yes, I... Well, I figured that you'd hear about that.
It didn't go well?
It was an unmitigated disaster.
Sorry.
No, no.
Don't be sorry. I'm the one that owes you an apology.
I mean, if it weren't for me, we would be decorating the nursery.
Well, we're gonna get a baby. We're just not gonna get it from Trish.
- Someone's gonna choose us. - I know, I just...
I promise, no more shutting you out.
Okay. Great.
Well, then, let's start with you telling me about the infamous spandex debacle.
- I'm gonna kill them. - Ha-ha.
Okay, we didn't drive far enough for it to be Casa del Mar.
- Oh, I'm guessing the Standard, right? - Keep guessing.
Oh, I feel like we should have a safe word.
Oh, funny you should mention the word safe.
- Ready? - Mm-hm.
Ta-da!
We're at a bank?
- In Pasadena? - Yeah.
I drove a real big loop on the freeway to fool you,
because now we have an appointment with Brett,
our personal banker, who's gonna help us open our joint account.
- You are so cute. - Then we go to Casa del Mar.
Oh, scratch cute. You are drop-dead sexy.
- Did I do good? - Very good.
- I love you. - I love you.